August 2007 Archives

Her email read, "Take a look and see what YOUR daughters did today." Attached, was the link to this flickr photo set. Best laugh I've had all day.

Heading into the office on Thursday.

- Our vet said Sindri's surgery went well. The tumor hadn't made its way into the joint yet, so he was able to just remove the leg and leave the rest of his shoulder intact (removing more would have meant a longer and more difficult recovery.) Apparently, though, the tumor had grown so much in just a week that it would only have been a very short time before his leg broke on its own with any kind of pressure on it. We're very lucky we made the decision we did at this time and spared him that pain. They kept him for observation last night and we'll be able to pick him up this evening and discuss what he'll need for the next week or so. We'll most likely have more information to share as well. I'm anxious to see him and even the girls have been talking today about how they miss him and want to go get him tonight. I thought they hadn't even noticed.

- I'm thankful that not all public toilets automatically flush. Josie had one flush while she was on it the other day and now refuses to use any restroom other than ours at home -- and even then only if we assure her that ours does not flush by itself. It's made for some difficult shopping trips. Three times already we've had to leave a store as soon as we got there because she had to go potty and we needed to take her home to do so. I'm not sure how to get her past this fear other than constantly reassuring her and showing her how toilets flush manually.

- The gigantic watermelon from my stepdad's garden. He always loads us up with fresh fruit and vegetables in the summer, most of which we have to give to friends because we can't eat them in time. This time he gave us the biggest watermelon I've seen in a long time. I used about 2/3 of it, and ended up giving the rest to some neighbors. The girls, who usually love watermelon, informed me that they didn't want any. They now only like "the orange kind" (ie. cantaloupe)

- How loving our two little girls are. Lately, they need to bring their stuffed animals (sometimes numbering in the double digits) with us in the car wherever we go. There's always a mother, father, big sister, little sister, grandma, grandpa, best friend, etc. Each of them has a name and a role. And Maddie and Josie each have a collection. Yes, our car is so full you can barely see the kids in the backseat. It's sweet, though, to hear them talk to the animals and make them, in turn, talk to one another. The other day we were heading to the bookstore when Josie started putting two big rubber balls into her backpack. "No, Jo, we can't throw the balls in the store." No, Mommy, this is the mama and the baby. I just holding them.

- This Ebay listing. It made me laugh so hard this morning that I nearly spilled my coffee. I want to meet this woman and give her a big hug.

Seriously, this is just awesome. I expect this song to become an Internet phenomenon, and this guy will soon be appearing on TV morning shows to talk about it. It so perfectly captures our lives right now that it's uncanny.

You wouldn't believe how much we debated the issue of whether or not to amputate Sindri's leg. It's all we talked about and thought about for the past week. We talked to people on both sides of the issue, read article after article on the web, and even called our doctor multiple times to ask a million questions.

In the end, we thought it was the best thing for him. His pain is noticeably worse, to the point that running is no longer even an option. And for hanging around inside the house and being spoiled rotten for his remaining months, he doesn't necessarily need to be a four-legged animal. Amputation means a recovery time and learning to walk again. But the consensus seems to be that Sindri will adapt quickly to this new state and will recover just fine from the surgery. And not operating meant keeping him in constant pain that not even his medications could stave off. Every step would be difficult, playing would've been agony, and even sleeping would be uncomfortable.

After going back and forth a million times on the issue, we finally made the decision last night around midnight--just hours away from when he was scheduled to go in. One of the factors in our final decision was the passage below, which Alecia uncovered on a site devoted to bone cancer in dogs:

Amputation provides permanent, definitive pain relief. It does not cure the cancer, except in extremely rare cases. The first way to attack this disease is to address the pain. In many cases amputation actually prolongs life, because without it, the pain will eventually become unbearable and lead to a very difficult and final decision.

This disease is aggressive and ruthless. The pain of bone cancer is probably the worst pain ever. Many dogs are stoic, and don't show how much pain they really have. Others will stop doing their favorite things, develop a limp, sleep more or show a change in appetite. The pain from bone cancer will whittle away at your dog's spirit, while the cancer whittles away at the bone. There is a risk of fracture through the cancerous bone which is excruciatingly painful. The quality of your dog's life will slowly decline due to pain.

Pain medications are very commonly used and may help for a while. Pain medications alone are just temporary until the pain becomes too strong or you decide on an alternate plan. There are several options for pain medications which should be discussed with your veterinarian. Amputation alone can bring back "quality of life".

Fighting cancer is not about "how much time" will my dog have.....it is about "how much quality time will my dog enjoy".

Bonecancerdogs.org

We're hoping all goes well with Sindri today. We've already all said our goodbyes--and we've sort of been mourning for a week already--but it will still be tough if he doesn't make it through the surgery. But assuming he does, we'll have a couple of weeks of recovery ahead of us, and then a bunch of wrestling, walking, playing and visiting new locations while we can. We plan to get rid of any guilt we have over being neglectful by overdoing it a little once his pain is gone. :)

We'll post an update when we find out how the surgery went.

They're wearing my clothes already?

- Despite how heart-wrenching it is, I'm grateful that we found out about Sindri's cancer early, before it was to the point that we'd have to put him down. My friend Carolyn just called to say that they had to put their dog, Cassidy, to sleep this morning. They'd taken him in yesterday for a checkup because he'd been acting tired lately. She thought it was just his arthritis acting up. Instead he had cancer that was so far advanced that they had to put him down right away. I hate that she has to go through this too, but it also makes me think about Sindri and how we can really provide him with as good a life as possible in the time he has left. I know our last few posts might seem like a lot to take for many people reading this. It sounds like we're eulogizing Sindri before he's even gone, but it's almost like we need to get the mourning over with now so we can go on and actually enjoy our time left with him.

- A fantastic weekend roadtrip with just my mom and sister. We rode to Pensacola together to visit a friend of mine who was having a baby shower. The trip was 5 hours each way but it didn't seem like it at all. We talked the entire time and barely listened to the radio or any of the music we'd brought. We relaxed a little on the beach, and waded in the ocean (where there'd been a recent shark attack, but Angie kept that from us. What's it with me and sharks?) We're hoping to do the same thing next summer as well, maybe to Charleston or Savannah or something.

- Our upcoming trip to Disney World. I don't know who's more excited -- the kids or Bill and I. Every night they want to hear a "story about Disney World" and they've pored over the brochures the park sent us already. We'll actually be there for Maddie's birthday and she'll get a chance to have lunch with all the Disney Princesses on that day. A 4th birthday to remember! Bill and I literally get teary-eyed when we think about how excited the girls will be once we get there. I thought Disney was fun as a kid, but I had no idea how much enjoyment I'd get out of it as an adult watching my kids enjoy it.

- Making cookies with Maddie and Josie. There was more flour on the floor and counter than actually in the cookies, but I think they had fun. We saved them for Bill to try when he got home. You'll have to ask him how they tasted. I made sure we put lots of icing on them to mask any unusual taste.

- Ethan's first birthday. Was it really a year ago that he was born? Has it been that long already? It definitely seems like it can't be, especially when we haven't seen him much in the past year. I wish that we could see him more often and I hope that he really gets to know his cousins in the future.

- High School Musical II. I know there are a few nieces and nephews who are very excited about its premiere this weekend, am I right?

- And you?

As Bill mentioned, we had a tough day at the vet's office yesterday. The vet came in and suggested one of us take the girls to the waiting area while he explained what was wrong. Bill suggested I take the girls and I immediately looked at the vet and knew. I just knew. I started to tear up but held it together as I took the girls to the hallway. I knew it was bad but I just didn't know the details.

I first got Sindri when I was in my last year at IU. Bill and I had been together for about a year and half, and he had just moved to Atlanta to take a job. I missed him so much. We'd been together almost constantly since we met so it was a big adjustment not to see him every day. When the lease was up on my apartment that summer, I moved into a house with two other girls. I fully intended to get a dog. I'd always wanted one of my own and I knew having one would keep my mind off missing Bill.

I went to the Humane Society in Nashville on a Friday afternoon. I was determined to get a small or medium-sized, short-haired dog. I was only going to look at first. I didn't want to make a hasty decision, so I'd look and then think about it before coming back on the following Monday. I looked at all the dogs and was drawn to a litter of puppies they had just gotten in. There were about 6 of them, so tiny, only 6 weeks old. They'd been discovered by a local farmer. All of them were brown except for one small black one. He was the tiniest one and kept getting pushed away whenever he tried to get to the food or water bowl. I picked him up and held him. He nuzzled my neck and let me hold him. For a minute, I thought he'd fallen asleep.

I knew right then that he was the one. Those big brown eyes just stared at me. I signed the paperwork, agreed to have him neutered, and he was mine. On the ride home, he lay in my lap for a while and then crawled under my seat. We drove straight to PetSmart so I could get a leash and dogfood and a crate and make an appt. for his surgery. I brought him home and the two of us became inseparable. I took him for walks (on which he tired so quickly, being so little. I ended up carrying him quite a lot.) I took him to the park. I even took him to get ice cream. The picture below was taken one day and actually run in the Herald Times.

I named him Sindri. It means "little elf" in Norse Mythology. (It also happens to be the name of Bjork's son, but that was purely coincidence. I couldn't help that the name fit him perfectly.) He was a little elf, with ears that stood straight up and the tiniest little body, the runt of the litter.

He was, and still is, an athletic and energetic dog. He loves to run and chase a ball. He's also the sweetest and, I mean this only with love, dumbest dog I've ever met. His happy little face just stares up at you and shows glee whenever you pet him or play with him. I sound cruel, but it's true. Potty-training didn't come easy for him, and learning tricks was never his strong talent. But he was, and is, so lovable and meek and has never EVER bitten anyone. He's terribly afraid of small dogs: our neighbors in our last apartment had a chihuahua and he would freak out and whine whenever he saw it. He's my buddy. He slept with me up until I became pregnant with the girls. He was with me when Bill and I broke up and moved apart for a while. He waits patiently for Bill to walk in the door each evening when he comes home from work, nearly pushing the girls out of the way as they wait as well.

Now Sindri has cancer. IHe has anywhere from two weeks to six months to live. After weighing all our options, we've decided to get his leg amputated. It won't cure the cancer, but it will at least take away the pain in that area for now. He's already on some painkillers to make it easier on him. He'll be able to enjoy life a little more until the other symptoms start showing up. The vet assures us that he'll have no trouble adapting to walking with three legs. The recovery will be quick: only about 10 days. Assuming everything goes well with the surgery, we'll be able to take him to the park (his favorite) and play with him once the skin has healed.

You can't even imagine how I feel right now. It's not just grief over his illness and what's to come. It's the fact that I've neglected and ignored him for so long. Since the girls have been born, I've just been overwhelmed with caring for two little people and I've barely remembered to feed the dogs at times. We used to take them to the park every weekend, but I honestly can't remember the last time we've done that in the past three years. I've yelled at he and Mallory. Off the couch! Off the bed! I've gotten incredibly angry when they've had an accident or chewed something they shouldn't have. I've been downright mean. And you know what? That stupid dog still comes up to me and looks at me with those big brown eyes and loves me and wants to be petted.

You hear about people's pets dying all the time, but I guess I underestimated how it would feel. Even my childhood dog, Peke, who died last year didn't make me feel this way. Maybe it was the distance and time since I'd been with her. Either way, I know that this hurts. A lot. My only consolation is that we know we have a little more time with him. I can finally treat him the way he deserves. Countless treats. Sleeping on the bed. Lying on the couch. And lots of love and physical affection.

1.

For some reason, three-year-old Maddie has suddenly become obsessed with puppies.  Despite the fact that we have two adult dogs, a cat and some fish, she wants to bring another furball into the family. She saw a Bichon Frise puppy in the mall pet store, and she talked about it for days.  She kept saying our dogs needed someone to play with.

"But they have each other, Maddie," I told her.  "Do you want us to get rid of Mallory or Sindri so you can get a puppy?"

"Maybe one dog can live with another family," she replied.

"Which one should we send away?" I asked.  "Maybe we can get rid of them both?"

She thought for a moment before shrugging and replying, "Nah, they have to live with us.  I want Mallory and Sindri AND a puppy!"

I actually found this touching, that she wasn't willing to sacrifice one of her old dogs even for a new puppy.  When I was three, I probably would've sold my dog for a Luke Skywalker action figure.  Heck, I'm sure I'd have given my brothers away in exchange for the Millennium Falcon.

2.

I was in a full staff meeting this morning when my wife called to say that Sindri had taken a turn for the worse.  Sindri is our eight-year-old Belgian Shepherd--the happiest, dumbest, most energetic dog on Earth.  He'd started limping last week for no apparent reason, but we couldn't get him an appointment with the vet until Tuesday of this week.  Apparently, though, whatever he'd done to his leg was getting worse.  Alecia said that he was yelping and wouldn't let her touch it, so she got the doc to see us a day early.

At the vet's office, Dr. Miller took Sindri back for an x-ray.  When he came back, he told us we may want to have one of his nurses watch the girls so we could talk to the doctor in private.  Maddie and Josie were already bouncing off the walls, so Alecia took them out into the waiting room and let me be the one to hear the news.

The good doctor showed me a big grey smudge on the x-ray, where Sindri's left leg should've shown up as a solid white bar.  It was a tumor.  The size of a golf ball and almost all the way through his leg, just below the shoulder.

Our doctor was very knowledgeable about the treatment of just such a mass--he'd lost his own dog only a week before to almost the exact same thing.  He showed me his poor dog's x-rays to prove it.  Knowing his dog died under a similar ailment didn't make me feel any better.

Then again, he wasn't trying to make me feel better.

He let me go out to break the news to Alecia, so we could discuss treatment options.  Unfortunately, when I got about halfway to the waiting room, I started to lose it a little.  I pulled Sindri into one of the exam rooms and held onto him for a minute while I tried to get my shit together.  I didn't want Maddie and Josie to see me breaking up--I thought it would scare them.  Finally, I dried my eyes and walked Sindri the rest of the way to where Alecia was waiting.  The girls greeted him like a long lost friend, shouting "Sindri's back!" and "Yay, Sindri!"   I started to lose it again.

I was so choked up that I never even told Alecia what the prognosis was.  When the doc came back to talk about our options, he started right in, not noticing the slightly confused look on Alecia's face.  I say "slightly," because at this point, she sort of knew what I'd been told.

The doctor gave us some options--amputation, chemotherapy, pain management, euthanasia--and told us to talk them over.  Most of them were pretty expensive, and none of them guaranteed any extra time for Sindri.  In fact, the doctor said he could be gone in anywhere from two weeks to six months, depending on where else the cancer was hiding.  Even the most expensive options, if successful, would only give him another year.

Alecia totally held it together in the doctor's office.  I was amazed.  She broke down on the way home.  While Maddie and Josie fought over a ribbon in the back seat, Alecia cried into her hands.  She kept saying something that, at first, I couldn't understand.

"I've been so mean!" she was saying.

"What are you talking about?  To Sindri?  No you haven't."

"I've been so mean to him," she sobbed.  "I never play with him, I only ever yell at him.  I've been awful!"

"You're a mom, you've had other things to worry about," I told her.  "Besides, he's not gone yet.  He's sitting right behind you.  You can start spoiling him rotten as soon as we get home."  I tried to give her a smile, but I knew exactly what she was talking about.  The dogs became second class citizens as soon as the kids arrived, and neither of us have been able to give them the time they deserve.  Now, that's all we could think about.

The doctor suggested we talk things over quickly, so we could get started with whatever option we chose and not prolong Sindri's suffering.  His tumor's location makes everything from walking to laying down a major pain.  We have some pills, but there's no telling how they'll work for him, so the quicker we get started with treatment, the better.

But we don't need much time.  Alecia and I already know what we're going to do.

We're not ready to let him go just yet...

Friends and family clicking on the link to our site this week may think we've redesigned. Well, we've done a bit more than that. We've actually purchased a new domain name and moved the family site.

Rather than the family.pushthepulldoor.com URL we used previously, our family news and updates can now be found at the appropriately named "crazywithkids.com." I've set up an automatic redirect to take people to this new address, but I won't keep that up forever, so please update your bookmarks.

Why the move? Well, we changed web hosting companies, and the new company offered one free domain name. We're not the types to say no to free stuff, and this gave us an opportunity to separate our family blog from our personal and hobby sites. Now, we have a unique name that's easy to remember and a bit more fun.

We'll be updating the design eventually--Alecia doesn't like the boring templates they give you and wants to personalize it some. We'll also be making a few changes in how we do the content. First off, we're going to be striking any identifying info from the blog, such as last names, exact locations, etc.

The domain host we're using will keep secret who actually owns "crazywithkids.com", so once we purge any identifiers from the site, it will be hard for strangers to track us down. They'll only be able to find our first names and rough geographic location. And if they want to look for a "Bill" in the Atlanta area, I can attest to the fact that there are MANY. :)

The reasons behind this change should be obvious: while we're glad to share our pictures and stories with our families, we don't want to provide enough info to allow the many psychos out there to track us down. We like blogging, but it isn't worth putting our girls at risk.

Keep that in mind while you're commenting on future posts. No last names, no exact locations. Without that info, we're all just that much safer.

Thanks, and let me know if you have any questions about the new arrangement!

This picture would be perfect, except for the pink frosting all over Josie's mouth.

- Finding Josie's glasses after they'd been lost for over a week. It was bittersweet, though. We found them (okay, Maddie found them) the day after we bought her some new ones. Insurance only covers lenses every year and frames every two years so we had to pay the entire cost out of pocket. In a sense, we just spent a couple hundred dollars on something we didn't need afterall. At least she has a backup pair now. Ouch.

- The birthday party for the daughters of some really close friends of ours. Their girls and our girls play together wonderfully, and like always, we were the last ones to leave the party. On the way there, Bill instructed me that we wouldn't be staying long like we always do. And then who was the one who had to be dragged out of there? You guessed it.

- 12 straight hours of sleep. I didn't realize how tired I was until Monday night when I fell asleep on our bed around 9:30pm (Bill was watching the girls while I had time to myself to read) and didn't wake up again until 9:30am. That is so NOT like me. It was nice, though.

- Heading to a baby shower this weekend for a friend of mine from high school. The last time I saw her was at my wedding, and we've both since had a lot of changes in our lives. She and I lived together on the same floor of our dorm for two years in high school, and she ended up going to college 30 minutes away from the one I attended as a freshman. About six years ago, we took a road trip to Key West -- something I'll probably devote a whole chapter to in my future autobiography. I'm looking forward to seeing her and hanging out at the beach right by her house. Oh, and I'll be leaving the girls home with Bill. It will just be me, my mom, and my sister on a little girls' road trip.  Mommy's weekend away!

- The Smyrna birthday celebration last weekend.  Live music, cake, fireworks.  It was incredibly hot so we didn't get there until about 8:30, which means we missed the cake but had plenty of time before the fireworks.  We found a nice spot away from the crowds, laid out our blanket, and watched the sky.  Unfortunately, we ended up sitting right in the path of the wind from the fireworks so we got covered with ash and various cardboard bits.  Still, it was fun.  

- There's so much silliness around our house these days.  Both girls insist on being little comediennes.  And watch out if you give them even a little bit of sugar -- both will literally run around in circles giggling and making silly noises and faces.  It's funny, until it's time to get dressed or get their shoes on or get them to do anything in general.  

- Pools, or large bodies of water in general.  For the Northerners reading this, you might not know that we've had temps in the 100s all week, with the heat index even higher (yesterday was 109).  On the few times we've gone outside at all, it's been to the pool, though even that water was lukewarm.  When it's still the high 80s at night, you know you've got a hot day coming.

We recently changed servers and it seemed like the perfect opportunity to redo our site as well.  For those of you who've been redirected from our old site, be sure to update your bookmarks.  We are now "Crazy with Kids!!" Appropriate, huh?  Look for a new header design in the coming weeks (you know, when we get around to it) and as always, we're open to any feedback you may have.

Welcome to my new blog powered by Movable Type. This is the first post on my blog and was created for me automatically when I finished the installation process. But that is ok, because I will soon be creating posts of my own!

Our two Cinderellas

- Bill's summer work hours. He gets home early (for him) on Fridays and we get the chance to start our weekend off early. I love weekends with him home. We try not to schedule anything with anyone else if we can help it, just so we can have that time all to ourselves.

- Activities! This new mom's group has been great because there are activities for kids almost every day of the week. We haven't gone to every one, but it's nice to be able to pick and choose so freely, and to be able to know people whenever you do go. This week the girls went to a "Pick a Princess Ballet Class" at a local dance studio. Basically, it's a little ballet class, but they center it around one of the Disney princesses. The class Maddie and Josie attended was for Cinderella. It was the first time I'd seen them in a class together, without me, interacting with each other and the other kids. The moms were able to watch from outside the door. It was so cute, and I took lots of pictures.

- A very special moment during the above mentioned ballet class: At one point, the instructor asked everyone to find a partner. Even though one of Maddie's good friends was in the class with her, she and Josie immediately walked over to one another and held hands. I literally got teary-eyed. All the moms around me went, "Awwwww!" in unison. I love seeing them express the love they have for each other.

- And speaking of ballet... Josie will be in Maddie's ballet class starting again in September. She had started her own class for the summer, but it was canceled due to low enrollment. Josie was upset, and I felt awful because she talked about her teacher and the class all the time. Now she and Maddie will be in Miss Mary's class together. I'm not sure I'll know what to do with myself. During the princess class, I realized it was the first time I'd actually sat by myself while the girls were both involved in something without me. Until now, I've had Josie stay with me or we've done Mommy and Me class stuff.

- Watching The Wizard of Oz with Bill and the girls at the park last weekend. Smyrna hosts "movies under the stars" once a month. This was the first one we'd been to all summer. We arrived early, staked out a spot, and let the girls play at the playground while we waited for it to get dark. Once the movie started it rained just a little, but not enough for anyone to get too uncomfortable (we were under the umbrella and some plastic anyway.) The girls loved the movie. The rain cooled everything off and it was nice just sitting there with my little family on a summer evening.

- Discovering an indoor playground. Not one of the jumpy, inflatable places. Just a local church with an area devoted entirely to any equipment manufactured by Little Tikes or Fisher Price. It's carpeted AND fenced off so the kids can't run off. Did I mention it's indoors? No worries about sunburn or overheating. There are a couple of playhouses, some climbing gyms for preschoolers, some toddler climbers, etc. Basically, Maddie and Josie just ran around like banshees and wore themselves out while I sat back with some moms and watched them. I didn't have to worry about them falling and hurting themselves much, thanks to the carpeting and padding under the gyms. The absolute best part? It's free! The church runs a preschool in the mornings, but in the afternoons you can just go and let the kids play. Isn't that awesome? I'd have loved a place like that as a kid.

- Seeing Amy Grant and Vince Gill in concert at Chastain. It rained. A lot. But we didn't mind so much and no one else did either. Instead of candelabras, it was a sea of umbrellas. The girls loved it -- Maddie danced in the rain and Josie loved cuddling up under the umbrella. We packed a nice dinner and some wine, and just enjoyed ourselves before walking back to the car completely drenched. We stripped the girls down, dried them off, put them in their pj's, into their carseats, and they were out of it before we even got close to home. Bill had gotten 4 free tickets and we couldn't get a babysitter at such a late notice, so we took the girls. It was actually pretty nice seeing a concert together, all 4 of us.

- I'm grateful for the fact that a birthday party we attended this week, during the day, on the hottest day of the summer in Atlanta so far, was a POOL party. The girls had fun in the water and I was more than obliged to go in with them.

- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Here's my routine: I go to bed, turn on the episode of The Daily Show that I've recorded on the DVR, watch and repeatedly laugh out loud to the point that Bill comes in to see what's so funny, catch up on current events, fall asleep. I almost always fall asleep right after the guest interview. Sometimes I'll be awake for the "moment of zen," but most likely I've fallen asleep with a smile on my face. I have to have the TV on to fall asleep. Unfortunately, Bill likes to sleep with it completely dark and silent. We've worked out a system over the last 9 years or so wherein I always go to bed first, fall asleep to the TV, and then he turns it off when he comes to bed. He's such a night owl anyway that the timing of it is perfect.

- Our community center. I just started taking a yoga class there. I'd forgotten how supportive it can be to practice with a class and have a real, live human guide you through the poses, as opposed to watching a DVD at home. I'm trying to get a friend of mine to go with me next week.

- Tickets to see Bjork. Bill surprised me with tickets to her concert on September 17th here in Atlanta. I'd heard about her tour months back, but the closest she would have been to us would have been Chicago. I briefly considered going, but it was right before we left for Iceland and the timing was all wrong. Recently, she added Atlanta to her tour. I'm a big fan and have always wanted to see her in concert. Do I have the best husband in the world or what? Seriously, I better start thinking about his Christmas present now. I've gotta get him something big!

- Chocolate pudding. 'Nuff said. :)

- And you?