February 2005 Archives

Thanks for the birthday wishes, everyone. I like the sound of thirty-three. It seems like a good age. I think it helps that I'm right where I want to be at this point in my life. :)

First off, thanks to Eric and Katherine for having us over to dinner on Thursday. It was Katherine's birthday, but we didn't know it until we got there, so she got nothing from us...and we got good food from her. How unfair is that?

Thanks to Scott, Lynda, Todd and Amanda for going with us last night to Fogao Gaucho for dinner. We loved the meal and the company, as did Maddie and Josie. Okay, Josie slept through the whole thing, but she slept with a smile. And thanks to Todd for picking up part of the bill, despite my protests. Also, thanks to the entire group for coming back to our place to play Loaded Questions. And a final thanks to Todd again for missing EVERY answer in the final round (when he only needed one to win the game), so that I could have a victory on my birthday.

Thanks also to Cara for the enchiladas and to Monica for bringing over the excellent tacos and apple pie earlier in the week. Yes, we did have Mexican two days this week, but both dishes were very different, and both were awesome. By the way, Monica, Alecia's still raving about the onions in lime, which I also loved (and I'm not an onion fan, normally). And thanks to Carolyn for bringing over dinner last night (including a bottle of wine, Alecia's favorite pizza, and a Carvel ice cream cake!), even though we went out and didn't eat it. In hindsight, we should have asked you to come on another day, but the cool thing is that everything you brought will taste just as good tonight! (Nothing is wasted in our house!)

Finally, thanks to Alecia, Maddie and Josie for making my thirty-third year the best ever. Every year I've been with Alecia has been better than the one before (except for the year where we broke off the engagement and she moved into her own place, but at least we got some new furniture out of that one). Oh, and thanks to those three, as well, for the Ireland shirt and the style guide I wanted. How Alecia paid for those with no job and no money is beyond me. (I'm not sure I wanna know.)

Pictures of the last few days are coming, as soon as Todd emails me the ones he has.

I normally don't make a habit of quoting song lyrics. But there's this song that resonates with me right now, and I wanted to share.

First, some background:

Alecia and I had dinner with our neighbors, Eric and Katherine, last night (it was great, guys, thanks for having us!), and we were talking about the baggage you carry around from your parents, and how that impacts your future relationships. Maybe your parents loved you too much and sheltered you from any hurting. Maybe they didn't love you enough and made you seek love in the wrong places. Heck, maybe they did everything just right, so now you won't settle for anything but "just right." Whatever your childhood was like, you have scars, baggage, expectations to match. And it's not always their fault. It's just the way these things work.

The topic is definitely something to think about when you're in a relationship or looking for one. It's good to know how those emotional leftovers will impact the relationship you're in now. But I'm telling you, that issue takes on an even more massive weight when you become a parent, yourself. Thinking about it has made me wonder how I'll impact Maddie and Josie's romantic lives. Will I do something wrong as a parent that might make it harder for my daughters to find happy, healthy love in their future? Will I somehow be the guy who makes them insecure about themselves, or makes them distrust men? Will I be the man who loves and protects them too much, making them unable to handle the normal stresses of a relationship? Maybe I'll do too good of a job, raising the bar too high for everyday guys to reach? (Okay, not as likely.)

Anyway, there's a song out right now that you've surely heard if you ever listen to Top 40 radio that speaks to this issue. Although I think John Mayer is one of the cockiest young guys in music, I like his songs. Daughters is no exception. The song is basically a warning to dads everywhere to be good to their daughters, for the sake of their future boyfriends/husbands/lovers. As someone who married a beautiful girl with some serious daddy issues, I can not only relate, but I am also taking the warning to heart and applying it to my relationships with Maddie and Josie.

I don't necessarily think it's my job as a parent to make things easy on their future boyfriends, but it is my job to show my girls how to love and do my best to prepare them for a happy, healthy relationship of their own.

What a responsibility, huh?

Daughters
John Mayer

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
and she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can
To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Ooh, you see that skin
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Boys you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong and boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without warmth from a woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too

Coincidentally (or not), John Mayer just won Grammy Awards for 'Song of the Year' and 'Best Pop Male Vocal Performance' for the song. If you want to hear Daughters, John has full versions of all of his songs (and videos) available at his website JohnMayer.com. It's worth a listen.

Knowing how much my nieces and nephews are into American Idol (and how Alecia and I dissect the performances like we're the judges), I created a post in the forums where we can talk about the show. How geeky is that? Hey, if it will get the kids talking, I'll try it.

So click here if you have something to say about the show (other than "it sucks!"). You don't have to register to post, but it wouldn't hurt--especially since I'm the only one who could access your user info, and I don't even know how to do that.

Well, it was a three-day weekend for the McLochlin familiy, but you'd never have known it. It still flew by like one of the regular ones, and we didn't do anything any more exciting than usual.

Regena (Alecia's mom) had been staying with us for the past week, to help Alecia get used to taking on two kids at once while I went back to work. She left Saturday morning, and the house was eerily quiet afterwards. Alecia and I realized that we'd had guests in town for three straight weeks (since before Josie arrived), and Saturday night was the first night we spent with the four of us--and only the four of us--in the house. It was almost weird, but it felt good.

Saturday night, we did absolutely nothing. We watched a lot of shows we had recorded on the ReplayTV and played with the girls. Sunday was a little more exciting. Alecia and I took turns making solo trips out of the house. First, she went to Goodwill to find some "interim" pants to wear while her body goes from her post-delivery weight to whatever smaller size she ends up at. The girl knows how to thrift shop like nobody's business. She found three really cute (and new-looking) pairs of denim and a cute pair of black slip-on shoes. When she got home, I handed off the kids and ran to Best Buy (hey, she has her haven, I have mine). I spent less time (I was only there a half hour, while she spent two hours thrift shopping), but I spent a LOT more money, buying a scanner to replace the one I set on fire.

Now that we have a scanner, by the way, I was able to scan the picture from hell for you. Like a total eclipse of the sun, you may not want to look straight at it. I suggest poking a hole in black construction paper and rigging up a shadowbox. Here it is...

Okay, so it may not be as bad as I made it sound. But keep in mind this was the BEST of the bunch, and you'll know why we made such a big deal out of it.

Anyway, Sunday also brought us Jeroen and his daughter Lillian, stopping by to see Josie and to bring some cute gifts. Lillian was born a year before Maddie, and is an incredibly well-behaved sweetheart. Jeroen was one of my soccer teammates, and he and his beautiful wife Jane (who was sick and didn't want to come and spread the plague) have been very supportive throughout both pregnancies. Hopefully, we'll get the chance to return the favor, since they're now preggers with number two. (This pregnancy thing is contagious--Jeroen and Jane's upcoming baby is one of three we'll be meeting this August, along with those expected by Jennifer and by Cara, both from Alecia's Mom's Club.)

Today, Alecia had a playgroup at Chuck E Cheese's. It was her idea to move it there, since the scheduled host for this week's group was sick. A bunch of the moms showed up, or so I hear, and all of the kids had a great time (especially Maddie). When Alecia and Maddie got home, we let the kids nap during the downpour, then went out as a family when the rains stopped. We went to Old Navy (but didn't buy anything), then read for a while in Borders. Don't we have THRILLING lives? Actually, Borders was a hoot. Apparently, a lot of moms take their toddlers to bookstores during the week--who knew?--and Maddie loved bothering the other kids. She wasn't trying to bother them, but she's in love with bigger kids, so she'd walk up to a group of slightly older girls and plant herself in the middle. She likes touching people's hair, which freaked some of the girls out. And none of them could understand her gibberish. The only girls who were close to Maddie's age were much less social--one of them even got up and moved everytime Maddie would sit next to her...which happened about six times. Yes, my daughter's a toddler stalker.

As we headed home from Borders, we discussed what we'd make for dinner. But when we got home, we found a message on the machine from Cara, asking when she could drop off a meal. I had totally forgotten that the mom's club meals would start coming today, and that I'd promised Cara over the phone yesterday that we'd be home all day. Whoops! Cara was nice enough to rush over a meal as soon as we called her back, and we had the most delicious chicken enchiladas for dinner. Seriously, it was better than I've ever made, and she even brought walnut-free brownies for dessert! (I'm allergic to walnuts, so I only ever seem to eat brownies when I make them myself.) Alecia and I made pigs out of ourselves, and we still have more than half of the dish left. That will get us through tomorrow...and then we get another dish from a mom's clubber on Wednesday! Isn't this "helping hands" deal great? I can't wait until I get to make something to take to a new mom. They'll be getting my famous "Creamy Chicken Lasagna." So, moms, if you don't like chicken or lasagna, you'd better hold that baby in until someone else has theirs!

Well, that's all the news that's fit to print. Now you see why I don't update more frequently, huh? All I have are stories about retail outings, playgroups, and baby farts. (I'm saving the baby fart stories for later.) Oh yeah, I do have a bunch of pictures that Alecia took over the last week. Click on the links to the right to check them out. Soon, I'll start being more picky about what I upload, to save some server space. But for now, I'm just putting up every picture we take, so don't complain if you see five versions of the same shot.

By the way, on a complete tangent: I always thought I'd stop liking the Ben & Jerry's flavor called "Chubby Hubby" once I got hitched. I thought the irony of the name would be too bitter to swallow. I was wrong. I'm happily married and thirty pounds overweight, but "Chubby Hubby" is still just as sweet. I'm eating some as I type this, and I'm loving it. (Heck, I'm even sitting two feet from our dusty treadmill. My gluttony knows no guilt.) I think I'd better put the pint away now, before I eat the whole thing. Have a good week, y'all.

Despite Josie's bad day on Wednesday, everything is going well. She had her two week appointment last week on Tuesday. We found out she gained almost a whole pound in 6 days! She weighed in at 9 lbs. 13 oz. At her last appointment the week before, she had weighed 8 lbs. 15 oz. Needless to say, the doctor was VERY happy with her weight gain. Otherwise, we're just waiting until she has her next swallow study in a few weeks to find out if anything has improved with her esophagial leak.

I also had a doctor's appointment this week, for the eye doctor. Most people who know me know that I am supposed to wear glasses. I have since I was 5 years old. Well, when I became pregnant with Maddie, I could no longer see through my prescription lenses. (pregnancy and hormonal changes can affect your vision) The same was the case during my pregnancy with Josie. Now that I'm no longer with child, I decided it was time for me to get new glasses. Well, imagine my surprise when the doctor told me after my exam that I now have 20/20 vision! No kidding. I think my initial reply was, "No way! Seriously?" For someone who has worn glasses for so long, I NEVER in a million years imagined that someday I wouldn't have to wear them. So it was good news for me!

Maddie is doing well also. She seems to have realized that Josie is NOT leaving any time soon and is getting used to having her around. She will say "Josie" all the time now and even give her kisses and help me give her a bottle. She's also really into repeating whatever you say to her, no matter how difficult the word is. Bill and I have been having fun saying things to her and trying to get her to repeat them. You should hear the kid say "Mississippi".

So I said I'd update the site this morning, and I didn't. I thought I'd have more time at work than I did. What can I say? Sometimes, Fridays are busier than you expect them to be.

Anyway, some good news and bad news about baby Josie. The other night (Wednesday), was a very rough night for our little plumper. Earlier that day, the pharmacy finally got in their order of Simply Thick, the thickening agent needed to make breast milk palatable for Josie. Until then, Josie was eating only formula mixed with rice cereal. But once Alecia picked up the Simply Thick, we were able to start working breast milk back into her diet. All day on Wednesday, Josie got to drink the good stuff (from bottles, not from the source).

Unfortunately, we think now that this may have been a bad thing. By late afternoon, Josie was showing signs that she was in even more pain than usual. She was turning bright red, she was contorting her body or stiffening up while grimacing, and she was screaming in a way you never want to hear your kid scream. She had been having gas problems for a while, but we were really starting to worry that something else was going on. Some friends of ours stopped by in the evening and stayed for a few hours, and Josie screamed the entire time. Normally, she's very sleepy in the evenings, but she was wide awake and very unhappy this time.

That night, things went from bad to worse. Once Josie finally starting sleeping in small chunks of time, we had our first emergency alarm. Alecia and I were both asleep in the wee hours of the morning when we heard it--the high-pitched whine of the monitor than meant our baby hadn't been breathing for at least twenty seconds. Although we both heard it, it registered with Alecia first. I woke to find her vise grip on my arm as she whisper-shouted, "Bill! Bill!" Josie was sleeping between us, so we both started grabbing her at the same time. I rubbed her chest while Alecia moved her arms and legs, we were both hissing, "Baby! Josie! Wake up, sweetie!!" I dunno why we kept whispering the entire time. I guess we were trying not to wake Maddie or Regina up, but if the alarm didn't do it, we weren't going to.

By the time we really woke up enough to help Josie, she was already moving and breathing again. The alarm shut off, and she was fine. The alarm goes off when the monitor detects that the baby hasn't breathed for twenty seconds, but it's only really bad news if the beeping continues. If the baby begins breathing quickly enough, it's not a big deal. It would take more time without oxygen to have any long-term effects. So the short interruption in breathing was just a blip on the radar, and not the worst thing that could have happened. That didn't stop us from getting more and more worried as it happened two more times over the next six hours. We hadn't had any alarms for a whole week since bringing her home. Now, we'd had three in a night.

Needless to say, the next day was very tiring for Alecia and I. We were both exhausted from the night before, and the nurse we called didn't have anything reassuring to tell us. "Is she breathing now?" Yes. "Do you know what to do if she stops?" Yes. "Call us if it gets worse." Thanks, lady. So Alecia and I talked it over to try to find something we could do. We tried to figure out what was different about that day that may have caused the problems. It seemed very obvious once we started talking about it (and it should be obvious by now if you've read this post from the start). There was only one thing that was different about that day than the ones before it: the breast milk.

When Maddie was an infant, she had what the doctors called "colic." They wouldn't tell us exactly what colic is, what causes it, or what makes it go away, but it added up to a very unhappy baby. She cried all night for at least three months (the hardest months of her life, for Maddie and for us). She also spit up more than any baby I've ever seen. About five to ten minutes after she finished a feeding, she'd spit half of it up. After every feeding. The doctors first told us that some babies just spit up more than others. Then, they suggested that Alecia make changes to her diet, which she did. They suggested different nipples when we were giving her breastmilk from a bottle. We finally asked if she was maybe allergic to breastmilk, and they told us there was no way to know without some serious tests, but it was a possibility. We decided just to ride it out--as long as she was gaining weight and seemed happy, we knew we'd be okay. Of course, as soon as we switched to formula at the six-month mark, she stopped spitting up her food and the colic ended. Coincidence? We didn't think so.

So with Josie, we decided to take her off of the breastmilk as quickly as we started her on it. She had only formula feedings yesterday...and had her best day of the week. She still had some gas, but no screams of agony. And, more importantly, no episodes with the monitor. Sure, it could be something other than the breastmilk, itself. The Simply Thick might not have made the breastmilk thick enough, allowing the milk to get into her lungs again through the esophogial tear. Or maybe it's not the breastmilk she's allergic to, but the medicines Alecia is on. But without knowing for sure, we're sticking with formula. If you'd been through the Wednesday we had, you'd forget about nursing, too.

Now that I've give you the update on Josie, I want to take the moment to address a few questions or comments people have left.

Q: You seem stressed. Are you guys freaking out?
A: Nope. We're actually doing well. We're settling into the new life, as expected. We're tired, but we're not complaining when we talk about it, we're just stating the fact. Ninety percent of it isn't anything more than what we went through with Maddie. There is the remaining ten percent of the time, where we're a little panicky about Josie's health, but we're even getting through that okay. So sorry if our posts come out sounding stressed. :)

Also, you have to remember that it's very easy to misconstrue what Alecia or I write on this site. It's easy to take things out of context. I can be very blunt and/or sarcastic, and people can read it as angry or exasperated. Alecia will confirm that I've never ever gotten angry with someone on this site, and that my stress levels are very low for a second time dad. I guess I'm just not as good of a communicator as I want to be.

Q: You keep asking for comments, are you that needy?
A: Yes. Seriously, though, I just like to hear from you guys. Sometimes, I feel like I'm talking to myself on here. It can feel like leaving messages on an answering machine and not getting a call-back. And although I can look at traffic reports for the site, so I know we're getting dozens of hits each day, I can never tell who's been here. So I love new comments. Especially the ones from people like Marcia's mom and the Dallich's, who I would have never guessed were looking at the site. It should also be noted that whenever I complain about lack of comments, I'm not talking about people like Marci, my mom, Sonya, Mic, the Fraziers, my sister, Marcia, etc. You guys post frequently (and there may be more that I'm forgetting). I'm just trying to get the silent observers to say hi once in a while.

One great example: Alecia and I went to a first birthday party when Maddie was only a few months old. At the party, we were approached by the birthday girl's grandmother, who immediately recognized Maddie and wanted to say hi. It was great. She had been looking at our site since Maddie was born, knew all about us, and we never would have known if we hadn't met her in person. So I complain in order to get people like that to say hi.

Q: Don't worry, it will get better! Do you guys know how lucky you are?
A: Heck, we don't even need it to get better! We're SO HAPPY to have great kids like Maddie and Josie that if they never slept through the night or they both had monitors we had to lug around everywhere, we'd be okay with that. As long as they're both healthy and happy, we're happy. We're the luckiest people in the world, and we know it. And we're also lucky because we have family and friends like you guys that care about us and want to know what's going on in our lives. Thanks! We love ya'!

First off, to my dear sister-in-law, Mic: I appreciate your comment and the fact that you check for news on this site every day. But we don't feel too guilty about not posting frequently. See, we have two kids in diapers. (That may not mean anything to you now, but you'll totally get it when you have some of your own.)

Anyway, I do have some anecdotes to share, but I'm absolutely fatigued right now. So if you want to read some news about the kids, please check back tomorrow. I promise to post a real update by lunch.

For now, here are some pics that Alecia took of the girls several days ago. I didn't even know she'd uploaded them, or I'd have had them up sooner. They all have captions, so they should be self-explanatory.

In case you don't have time to check out the gallery, I put a few of my favorites in this post. You can thank me later. :)

Both Maddie and Josie had doctor's appointments yesterday morning, so Bill and I braved the first of our outings with two kids. Despite the fact that we all got up and started getting ready 3 hours before the scheduled appointments (which are just down the street, btw) and the fact that we still just made it on time to the first appointment, things went really well.

We tag-teamed the event: Bill stayed with Maddie while she got her 15-month check-up and shots (yeah, we're a month late...I forgot) and I went with Josie to her newborn check-up.

Josie's appointment went really well. After being born at 8 lbs. 5 oz. and then dropping to 7 lbs. 13 oz in the NICU, she has gained weight over the past few days to put her up to 8 lbs. 14 oz. YAY! Our "little" Jelly Bean is doing well on the thickened feeds, it seems. The doctor warned that she'll probably gain alot of weight because the rice cereal we add to her formula also adds calories. Add to that the fact that she LOVES to eat (wakes up about every other hour for a full feeding) and you've got the potential for a big baby on your hands.

Otherwise, she's doing incredibly well. We've had no incidents with her breathing since we brought her home, unless you count the 3 false alarms with the monitor the first few days. The first 2 were for low battery and the 3rd one was for a loose lead. As opposed to the monitors in the hospital, this one has a belt that Josie wears around her chest, making it a little less likely to go off for no reason. I'll admit that it has been a piece of mind to have the monitor, although it does make it a bit harder to move Josie around from room to room. I find that we pretty much wake up and go to the living room, plug her monitor in, and hang out there all day. I did try putting her in the baby sling one day while her monitor was in a backpack that I wore around. It worked out okay, but in the end I was exhausted from lugging around everything. :)

Josie will have another swallow study in a month and that will tell us whether her esophagial leak has healed on its own and whether we'll need to continue with the thickened feeds. I have to admit that I'm anxious to breastfeed her again when it does heal. For now I'm pumping my breastmilk, but finding time for that between feeding Josie and taking care of Maddie has been a struggle. I'm hoping that my milk won't dry up before that time comes.

Maddie's appointment also went really well. She's just about 20 pounds now, and 29 inches long. Still on the low end for her age group. As Bill mentioned, she did need to have 4 immunization shots and I arrived to her exam room with Josie just in time to see it happen. I absolutely hate watching this and Bill got to see it for the first time as well. The look on her face just screams, "What are you doing to me?!" and breaks your heart. She was pretty sore for the rest of the day and actually limped when she walked because her legs were so sore from the shots.

We're slowly but surely learning to juggle the needs of two kids and I can only anticipate it getting easier as time goes by (or as we get used to it). Like any newborn, Josie wants to be held all the time and I can't say that I want to deny her that, as I'm trying to make up for lost time with her myself. Maddie is handling the transition pretty well, but still adjusting to the loss of attention she received from both sets of grandparents last week. Even without a new baby, I'm sure it would be difficult for her. But she's a good kid and still keeps us laughing with the random funny things she does and says.

I just wanted to give y'all an update on our life now that Josie's been home for a few days.

The transition from a one-child household to a two-child household continues to be a bit jarring, but we're starting to get the hang of it. Maddie hasn't been terrible of late, but she has had her moments of jealousy and "aggressive love" around the baby. And to make matters worse, Maddie had a doctor's appointment yesterday (as did Josie, which Alecia promises to report on soon), and had to have FOUR shots! That would be a lot for even an adult to take. So Maddie has been achy and grumpy ever since, which is making it even harder for her to behave. And today, we made a huge error in judgement when we took both girls to the mall for their first picture together.

Actually, the mistake was one of multiple parts. First, we scheduled the pictures for after Alecia's haircut appointment, which meant that Maddie, Josie and I had been walking around the mall for over an hour and a half before we went in for the photo shoot. Second, we planned the photos for the day after Maddie had her shots, which meant she was sore and tired (she stayed up late and woke up early to prepare for the big moment--apparently, the kid doesn't believe in beauty sleep). And third, we decided to get the pics done a little too soon after the birth, meaning poor Josie was still swollen and bruised from the delivery, making her look like a lumpy troll.

The photographer plopped Maddie and Josie onto a beanbag, and, for a moment, they actually looked cute together in their matching Valentine's outfits. That moment lasted exactly five seconds, at the end of which Maddie started squirming and whining, and Josie decided to flop her little head around like a chubby ragdoll and give the camera the gas face. Maddie seemed to be afraid of Josie, constantly trying to push her off the beanbag. And she wouldn't smile at all, no matter how much we clowned around for her amusement. Yes, I tickled a strange, bearded man (the photographer) with a big feather to make my daughter laugh. It's not a moment I'm proud of (especially since it didn't work). I tried to tell the guy that Maddie's usually much happier, but I doubt he believed me.

In the end, The Picture People had five proofs to show us. Each one was worse than the last. There was The One Where Maddie Looks Stoned, The One Where Josie Looks Like She Ate a Bug, The One Where Maddie Looks Like She's Dancing in the "Thriller" Video (Complete with Werewolf Snarl) and The One Where Josie Looks Like Sylvester Stallone Did After the Final Fight of Rocky ("Stay down, Rock!"). We ended up taking home The One Where Josie Looks Like Popeye's Illegitimate Daughter and Maddie Looks Like She Just Smelled Her Own Poop for the First Time. Sounds pretty, huh? It was the best of the bunch. Ironically, it was the only proof that was underexposed, so it's almost dark enough to hide the ugliness.

The only good thing about the entire experience was the fact that it was free. Alecia had a coupon for a free sitting and a free 10x13 print. I asked the lady if we could maybe take a smaller print home--I can't see us ever hanging a poster-sized reminder of this scary sitting--but she had already printed the big one.

Anyway, that's all behind us now, and so is my paternity leave. Today was my last day off (although I'd hardly call the last two weeks a "restful vacation"). On Monday, I'll go back to work and leave Alecia with the gruesome twosome. Before then, however, I have a KinderCare music class with Maddie tomorrow, and Alecia's mom and sis will arrive tomorrow night (Regena will be staying to help out for a few days). Hopefully, Maddie and Josie will get into some kind of routine in the next two days, so Alecia and Regena survive the long week ahead of them. Neither Alecia nor I have had much rest in the few days since Josie came home, and a full week of similar days and nights may be too much for even those strong, southern-blooded Cotton women to handle. :)

By the way, Alecia took some random shots of Josie with our digital camera, and I posted them in a link to the right. No comments on these pics, as I'd only get in trouble with my wife for the bad jokes I'd make. They're all just different shots of Josie, who looks horrified in almost every one. As for today's frightening photo, I'll upload it as soon as I can pick up a cheap scanner to replace the one I set on fire back in September.

I started to type this post earlier, but Maddie shut down my computer. So I'm sorry for the late post. (She loves to push buttons.)

After a loooong Superbowl Sunday spent waiting and wasting time, we were finally able to pick Josie up from the hospital today and take her home. We got the call around 11:30, so we quickly cleaned up the house, packed the car, and headed to the NICU. After a training session for the baby monitor and a long wait for a wheelchair (hospital policy dictates that the mommies have to be wheeled out with their babies...even if the moms were discharged long ago), we assembled Josie's belongings (three bags' worth!) and headed for the car. We ran into our first case of "too few hands, too many kids" when I realized I couldn't film Alecia and Josie coming out of the hospital because I had to stay with Maddie in the car. Oh well, I'd better get used to that kind of stuff, right?

We carried Josie into her new home around 4pm today. She didn't seem impressed with the place, nor was Maddie terribly impressed with her. We tried to get a picture of the new baby on Maddie's lap, and Maddie recoiled like the baby was on fire. Soon, however, Maddie overcame her fear of the new baby on the block. By the end of the night, she was trying to push her way into the arms or onto the lap of whoever was holding Josie. And if we'd hand Josie off to each other so we could give Maddie some loving, she'd just follow the baby, ignoring the empty-handed parent. She didn't want to be held, she wanted to be held instead of the baby. A great start to the sibling rivalry. :)

I'm sort of jumping around here, mostly because I'm so freaking tired. Josie's first day home has been like Maddie's first three months: she's the perfect baby when she's being held, but cries as soon as you put her down. I guess she just missed the constant love of her mommy and daddy while in the NICU, and is trying to catch up. But if I were more awake right now, I would have given you more details about Josie's medical condition. She passed her CT Scan this morning with flying colors. But they really let her go because she hasn't had a desat (i.e. loss of oxygen) since they switched her to the thicker food on Saturday. Now that she's home, we'll be feeding her formula mixed with rice cereal or breastmilk mixed with a thickening agent--no direct nursing, unfortunately. We were also sent home with a monitor that keeps tabs on her heartrate and breathing, that she'll have to wear 24/7 until a future swallow study shows that her problem has remedied itself. (We'll have another test in about a month.) The monitor comes in a handy carrying case, but it's kind of a pain to lug around. One plus, though, is that we won't need to poke Josie when she gets too still, like we (okay, I) did with Maddie. I had this major fear of SIDS with Maddie, so I was always checking to make sure she was still breathing. At least with this monitor, we'll never really need to wake Josie just to make sure she's still alive.

Josie's also on Zantac for reflux. They never came to a conclusion about whether or not she actually had reflux, but they decided that Zantac was such a mild drug and the full battery of reflux tests are so uncomfortable, that they'd treat the illness "just in case." If she does have it, the Zantac will make it go away. If she doesn't have it, the drug won't hurt her. Makes sense to me, and since my insurance has a very low co-pay for prescription drugs, it won't really cost us much to be safe.

I've taken this week off of work, so Alecia and I will both be around all week. If anyone wants to drop by to see our new addition, that'd be great. Just give us a call first, so we can quickly straighten up. We like to trick people into thinking we're neater than we really are. And please don't make fun of Josie's "crazy eyes." She gets those from Alecia, and is very sensitive about them. (You'll know what I mean when you see her...)

Oh, and I put up some new pictures. Some are just random pics I've had for a while, but didn't put up because they didn't pertain to the new baby. The other pics are those from the last few days and today.

Thanks again to everyone who has called, emailed, sent cards, or posted messages here and on the message board. We love all of you guys, and couldn't have made it through this trying week without you. (We know that a single week is nothing compared to what some of you went through with your wonderful kids, but it's all relative. Right?)

As Bill mentioned, I'm home now so I thought I'd update everyone on how things have been with Josie these past few days.

Although she was still tube feeding, I was allowed to try breastfeeding her on Thursday afternoon. She latched on really well from the start. It was a wonderful feeling for me. She just knew what to do. My milk hadn't come in yet, so she was just getting colostrum and was doing really well to pace herself and not choke. Then I tried to feed her Friday morning. It just so happened that my milk had come in overnight. As soon as she latched on Josie immediately began to choke and her oxygen levels dropped dangerously low. Her lips turned blue and she wasn't able to bring her levels back up, so the nurses had to give her oxygen. It was a scary moment for both of us. After that, the doctors suggested no more breastfeeding and only tube feeding until more could be found out. The second swallow test was done on Friday afternoon. They discovered that she does have a leak into her lungs when she swallows. There was no sign of reflux as the problem only exists when she first swallows liquid. The problem isn't as evident when she swallows thicker liquids, however. So Josie's feedings were immediately changed to thicker feeds from bottles. The feeding tube was removed (thank goodness) and she was allowed to have formula with rice cereal, or my pumped breastmilk with a thickening agent added.

Bill and I went in this morning to meet with the doctor and speech therapist who has been working on Josie's swallow problem. We were relieved to finally get some facts after talking to various nurses with differing opinions about her condition over the past few days. (don't get me wrong--the nurses have been great, but we wanted to hear something definite from the doctor). It turns out that Josie has not had any "desats" (oxygen desaturizations) since the breastfeeding episode on Friday morning. This was news to us as her oxygen monitor seemed to go off about 20 times each time we visited her. It turns out that even a slight kick or bump from Josie can set off her monitor and make the machine beep. What a relief to us to find out that she wasn't dropping all those times! It had been such a frustrating and scary situation for Bill and I to hold her and have the monitors going off every few minutes. We would panic and try to change our positions to get her to breathe better.

So she hasn't had any desats since Friday morning and the doctor seemed convinced that she wouldn't have any more with the thickened feeds. He wants to watch her for at least 24 more hours. If she doesn't have any more in that time, she will be ready for discharge. Yay! At first we talked about her coming home tomorrow night, but after more discussion, we all decided that Monday would be better. Not that Bill and I don't want her home as soon as possible, but we all agreed that the extra time for observation would be better. Today they decided to let our little hunger monster feed on demand instead of 30-50mL every 3 hours. She's a bit more hungry than that and they want to see how she handles controlling her own appetite. Plus, the extra food in her tummy will help us to further rule out any reflux issues. In addition, Monday would give the doctor further time to update Josie's pediatrician and make any arrangements should be need to bring an oxygen monitor home with her (because of all the false negatives, he doesn't suggest we bring one home, but we can still make that decision on Monday).

Bill, Maddie, Bill's mom, and I spent the rest of today picking up items for Josie's arrival home on Monday (special bottles, nipples, rice cereal for her formula, diapers, etc.) We are ecstatic at just the thought of her coming home so soon. It's still a day or two away, but just having a target date to look forward to is great.

In other news, thank you to everyone for your kind words, wishes, emails, and phone calls. It's wonderful to know we have such great friends and family. And it's also comforting to know that many of you have been where we are now and that everything turned out okay. We love you all and look forward to introducing you to Josie very soon.

Okay, when I say "she's home," I'm talking about Alecia, not the baby. Alecia was discharged from the hospital today, much to her dismay. She wanted to stay there until the baby could go home, but we're still not sure when that will be. So we left the hospital after the baby's 5pm feeding, with Alecia in tears. It was pretty tough for her, which is why she's not doing the post tonight.

Josephine had another swallow test today, which came out about as good as could be expected. She had trouble with thin liquids, but was able to drink thicker versions without much problem. The doctors want to observe her eating this way for 24-48 hours, but if she can keep it up, they might send her home. We'd have to keep her on an oxygen monitor and we'd feed her a special blend of breastmilk and thickening agent (meaning she wouldn't be able to nurse), but she'd be home. The hope would then be that her esophogial leak would heal over time, until she was finally able to eat normally.

We'll be going in tomorrow to do some of Josie's feedings. Hopefully, we'll see that things are going well, and won't hear any bad news. We really want the baby to be well, and we really want her to come home.

In other news, I just learned tonight that the original birth announcement email I sent out didn't make it to a single one of its targets. I sort of wondered why we didn't get as many posts or phonecalls as expected, but it took Alecia checking her mail to figure it out. I feel really awful about this. Not so much because others weren't able to keep up with the drama (we love you guys, but we had other things to focus on this week), but more because Alecia could have used the positive messages her friends and mine surely would've sent if they'd known where we were and what was going on. So she got less calls and cards this week because of my stupidity. For that, I'm sorry.

Anyway, we'll let you all know when we hear anything new. Until then, if you want to talk to Alecia or me, feel free to call the house. Again, I'm sorry to keep you all in the dark, but hopefully this site will catch you up pretty quick.

First off, thanks for the kind wishes and phone calls. Yes, our answering machine is broken, but I could tell from caller ID that several of you had called the house, which was nice. Starting tomorrow, we'll begin taking calls at the hospital if you want to talk to Alecia or me. Since we won't have the baby with us, we'll just be hanging out with nothing to do. A call now and then wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, I can't remember the direct number to the room. But the number for the hospital is (404) 851-8000 and we're in room 274 of labor/delivery.

Sorry if I rambled in the last message, but my brain was reeling. Yesterday was chaotic and confusing, and some of that may have come out in the last post. Today was still more of the same, but I have a little more time to write than I did yesterday, so I should be able to write with a little more coherence.

Alecia and I decided that I would sleep at home tonight so that I could be with Maddie. She's been living on the road as much as the rest of us over the last few days and, although she's been the ideal kid during that time, we decided a night of normalcy couldn't hurt. She's in bed now, having had a warm meal and bath, so I can type for as long as I can stay awake (which may not be long).

Today, they ran a swallow test on Josie. As I stated before, the poor baby was losing steam everytime she ate, and constantly needed to be revived by oxygen-wielding nurses. They didn't know what was causing it, so they x-rayed her while she ate to see what was happening to the formula she was consuming. They discovered that she had an esophogial leak, and that the fluid was seeping into her lungs. She was basically drowning in her formula.

Because she's not able to eat without turning blue, they've inserted a feeding tube and are pumping stuff straight into her belly. The doctors have scheduled another exam on Friday, where they'll try different consistencies of food to see if the leak is as much a problem when Josie consumes thick cereal, etc. They're hoping she'll have less leakage problems with thicker items, which may allow us to start feeding her without the tube. This would be the first step to getting her home, so keep your fingers crossed.

Now that Josephine's been officially admitted into the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), we can at least go visit her. This is a big improvement from the first few hours after her birth, when they wouldn't even tell us where she was. It's also a big improvement from most of yesterday when she was in the transitional nursery, which doesn't allow guests. Since Alecia is finally allowed to get up and move around (she's recovering from the c-section in record time), we've been down to the NICU often. Today, Alecia got to spend several hours holding and talking to Josie. It was a great moment, but sort of sad when she had to put the baby down and return to her room. I've also held the baby, but since I got to do that yesterday while Alecia was bed-ridden, and since I seem to be carrying some kind of bug (flu? cold? who knows, but I feel like crap), I've been trying to keep my distance. It sucks, but Maddie's already coughing and sneezing, so I feel guilty enough.

Anyway, that's where we're at right now. Alecia and I are still confident that Josie's release is just a matter of time. We're not really worried about her survival while she's being taken care of at Northside, so it's more a matter of when we'll get to take her home, rather than if. The when, however, is looking like it won't be until at least the weekend, and possibly sometime next week. Alecia may be released on Friday, but Josephine would have to make a remarkable turnaround to be as lucky. It's a good thing that I took two weeks off of work, huh?

It's also a good thing that Alecia and I have such great family to rely on. My mom, dad and brother, Todd, and Alecia'a mom and sister, Mic, have been invaluable over the last few days. They've kept us (as well as Maddie and the pets) fed and clothed. They've provided shoulders to cry on and plenty of laughs to get us through the tougher moments. They've been our rocks since we got to the hospital. We're blessed to have such a great family, and even more blessed to know that those of you reading this would do the same for us if you could.

We'd also like to say that we know the situation could be a lot worse. It sounds stupid to complain about our eight-pound baby's eating problems, when she's surrounded in the NICU by a host of infants weighing three and four pounds, apiece. Josephine is a healthy baby, for the most part, and her problems will surely be worked out soon. It's horrifying to think that some of the babies she's been around may not be so lucky. So we don't mean to be melodramatic or self-pitying. It's just a scary and frustrating situation, and not how we'd envisioned our baby's arrival.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. Feel free to check out the new pictures I posted in the link to the right (The First 48 Hours). Sorry there aren't more pics, but I've been taking much more video than stills. Speaking of which, if you want to see a particularly gory c-section, I have it on tape. Ewwwww.

Oh yeah, one final note about the name: Josephine was my paternal grandmother's name. She was a very cool woman, who meant a lot to me and even played a posthumous part in my getting together with Alecia in the first place. (A story for another time.) Yes, we know that "Josephine" is an older-sounding name (duh, it was my Grandma), but we like it. We decided to go with Josie as a nickname, instead of Jo, Joey, Fifi, etc. But I'm sure she'll answer to all of the above eventually. As for Maeve (pronounced like "rave"), it's actually what we were considering for the first name, but didn't think our family could handle. We've since been proven right, as four or five family members have either called it "May" or "Mauve" since first hearing the name.

Since Josephine means "He will add" and Maeve means "great joy", the names sort of work together, huh?

Meet the newest member of our family, Josephine Maeve McLochlin (a.k.a. "Josie").

She was born at 10:10am, but has been struggling with some respiratory issues in her first day. In fact, she's been in the NICU since she came out of the womb, which has made for a scary and exhausting day. At first, she was having some trouble breathing on her own. After some special loving care, she's breathing just fine, but now she has another issue. When she eats, she stops breathing, and doesn't start up again on her own. Because every feeding means that she'll need oxygen and a nurse on hand, we're not able to feed her ourselves. But the doctors are working to figure out what the problem is, and we're confident we'll have her in our arms soon.

Speaking of having her in our arms, sadly, due to her condition and the requirements of Alecia's surgery, Alecia hasn't yet had the chance to hold her own baby. She was rushed to the NICU while Alecia was still being sewn up, and the two haven't been in the same room since. This is obviously very hard on Alecia, but the doctors will soon give her permission to get out of bed, which means she'll soon be able to go to the NICU to hold her baby for the first time.

Anyway, I'm babbling, but I just wanted everyone to know what's going on. Don't worry about us, everything is going to be okay, and we're confident we'll soon be bringing Josie home. We also hope to be able to have visitors soon, but our first priority is getting our baby back to have and to hold. :)

Please leave any good wishes on this site, and try not to call for the moment unless you're immediate family. I'm staying at the hospital with Alecia until she's released, and Alecia needs all the rest she can get to recover from what's been a very hard day.

Thanks, and all our love.